Did Yoko love John? | Page 5 | Fab Forum | The Beatles Bible

mccartneyalarm said
Very excellent information, mja6758, about Yoko and the history of her search for Kyoko. I do remember much of what you brought up from my readings. I agree that Yoko is not a monster, and clearly, since she is human, she must have some feelings which were/are directed at her children. I am not arguing with you at all. I just can’t forget how she treated Sean after he was born….rather ignoring him; sending him off with John whenever she could so she could take care of the family “business.” Maybe that isn’t proof she didn’t love Sean, but it does make me question her priorities. As for Kyoko….it is quite true Tony Cox simply made it impossible for her to locate Kyoko. However, it was John who lead the crusade to find her at any cost. And, Yoko HAS to win at any cost. I can’t help thinking that part of her parental crusade was due to the fact she insisted on beating Tony out of custody, not because she wanted her daughter back at all costs. Yoko was very clear throughout her life that she did not want to have children. She had many abortions (not that there is anything wrong with that). But, it is the reason she had difficulty conceiving. The way she kept John from Julian; the way she treated Sean as an infant; and her lack of interest in the role of motherhood her whole life all point to my doubts about the depth of her maternal instincts.

Sorry, been awhile since I’ve done this, hope I remembered how to do quotes/attributes correctly.

I’ve been enjoying reading this thread. A lot of interesting points, good information.

While I’m no Yoko apologist and tend to stand with those who feel Yoko didn’t feel as strongly for John as he did for her, I do want to point something out. Yoko has admitted that she knows she comes off as stoic and emotionless at times and has said that’s down to her strict upbringing. She was raised by upper-class well-to-do parents, at least before the war broke out, and showing emotion was frowned upon in her home, so as a child she was trained not to do it. I think she even said in some interviews it’s why she used to put her hand up when she smiled or giggled, at first. This was in the late 60s or early 70s. John made her laugh a lot and she was often seen doing this when they were on early talk show appearances. She didn’t do it later, as she learned she didn’t have to.

Being with John opened her up, emotionally, as much as, maybe, she was able to, publicly. What we see, of course, isn’t what she shows to her friends and family. Just as the goofy, hard-shelled devil-may-care rebel Lennon he wanted the world to see wasn’t what he showed his family and friends. Though we were able to see more of the real John in his music and art. Not being a huge fan of Yoko’s music, if I understood it more, maybe I could see more of the other side of her in the music she releases, just as I do in John’s. But, conversely, I think being with Yoko opened John up to being able to love more openly. Or at least the way he understood it. As has been said, his version of a wife was also a mother, which he openly called Yoko. Since he never felt he had one, I think he didn’t only want a wife, he wanted a protector, someone he felt was on his side 100%. And whether she was or not, Yoko at least made John think she was. Personally, I agree with those who feel she’s mostly on her own side, and once she gets what she wants, she can fulfill the needs of others. John was a means to an end, so really, in a way, so long as John’s needs did get met, hers did as well – keep the golden goose happy and the money keeps rolling in, thereby Yoko’s needs will get fulfilled. Vicious circle.

I don’t remember if it was in May Pang’s book, but I did read somewhere that Julian wasn’t welcome, or rather it wasn’t encouraged he visit, because of the pain Yoko felt in not being able to have her daughter. It was up to John to do find a middle ground and make it right, telling Yoko if his son couldn’t come there, then he’ll be leaving her for a week to go visit Julian. But he didn’t. He basically cow-towed to what she wanted. Because he didn’t care? It was easier for him? I don’t know.

It was true he’d never been on his own since birth, he’d always had someone taking care of his needs – his mother, his aunt, Cynthia/Brian [I say Epstein insomuch as artistically and business, whatever he needed, a book, a record, Brian made the deal, and when he needed money, Brian arranged it all], Yoko. And that’s why when she’d had enough and knew she wanted him out of the house, Yoko purposely chose May to send John off with for their separation. She knew she needed someone to take care of his needs. The problem’s always been, what did she mean by “needs”. May says Yoko knew they would end up sleeping together because John was interested in May but would never do anything with her as along as he & Yoko were together. But he was a very sexual person and given free reign, all bets were off. Yoko’s claimed she just meant May was to continue being a personal assistant, attending to John’s business affairs. Personally, Yoko’s no idiot.

What she hadn’t anticipated was that May would open John up to all he’d been missing on a personal level – he became reacquainted with his son, as Julian and Cynthia came to Disneyland in 1973 for a visit, Julian refusing to come without his mother. When he visited again the next year, this time to Disney World in FL, he was more comfortable and Cyn didn’t accompany him. In late March, 1974, Paul dropped by a recording session John was doing for a Harry Nilsson album, the last the two would ever attend together. John invited Paul & the family to his Malibu home the next day for a visit, which included May, Ringo, former Beatles roadie Mal Evans, Keith Moon and others. As he was leaving, Paul told John they should see each other again. John nodded. May said John later told Nilsson, wouldn’t it be fun to get the “guys” back together again. She said she knew who he meant. She said he told her he wanted to write with Paul again and asked her if she thought it was a good idea. She highly encouraged it. He told her they should go down and visit Paul & Linda where they were working on their next album – New Orleans, in early 1975.

As we well know, that trip never took place. In early 1975 John & May moved back to New York, Yoko called John to undergo hypnotherapy to stop smoking, and he basically never returned from that. I think May’s claimed the hypnotherapy either included or was an actual hypnotic spell Yoko used to get John back sooner rather than later, because the plans John & May had, a future together, going to see Paul & Linda, John leaving Yoko and actually moving to the next level with May, were as if they never existed. He was just with Yoko again. And before you knew it, Yoko was pregnant.

The story [myth?] goes, the couple agreed that she carried the baby for nine months so John would take over caring for the baby for a time after that. It was his decision to choose 5 years, believing the first 5 are the most important, developmentally. Plus the guilt over how he hadn’t  been there for Julian had been weighing on him, probably especially since he’d now reestablished a relationship with this now-preteen youth whom he was just getting to know. He didn’t want to make the same mistake, twice. And Yoko had had a very rough pregnancy so she wasn’t in the best of shape, right afterwards, to do much. That’s not to say once she was well she couldn’t have doted on the infant. But she was more interested in business.

And for a businesswoman it was a great time – she was just finishing up untangling John from his Beatles affairs, and now was working on rebuilding his [their?] money, which wasn’t doing as well as one would’ve thought. We have to remember, the revered Lennon of today wasn’t so revered pre-death. He didn’t sell as well back then. His albums before retirement did all right but were more Beatles fanbase sellers than anything, and were usually a mixed bag as far as the critics were concerned. His only #1 had been Whatever Gets You Thru The Night . Even later, Double Fantasy received mix reviews and was selling moderately before the tragic events of December 8. We tend to forget that. So mother instinct or not, they each knew their strong points – she had the business mind and pretty much single-handedly rebuilt their finances, making record-setting deals. And John knew he needed a well-deserved rest, and wanted to make good on the past. He raised Sean and, yes, Julian visited a few times during the late 70s. I don’t know that he only saw his father 10 times post-divorce. Maybe, maybe not. It may be the memories of a scorned man who can’t remember the good because the bad so outweighs the rest. Or maybe it’s true. I don’t know how often he was there after John & Yoko reunited. But there are photos of him sledding with the 3 of them, playing guitar with his father while Sean’s there. Could all be from the same visit. But how Julian was treated is a thread unto itself.

Sorry to go on and on!