7.57pm
Reviewers
14 April 2010
12.50am
11 September 2014
1.19am
Reviewers
Moderators
1 May 2011
1.30am
1 November 2013
Three Bears it’s their house. I remember I had to write a different version of that fairy tale for class once
Running up or Walking down?
If you can't log in and can't use the forum go here and someone will help you out.
2.10am
Moderators
Members
Reviewers
20 August 2013
Running up to see Paul McCartney .
Your place or mine? (Oh, wait, I meant to put this question in the Questions for Paul thread ) I’ll let it stand here and see what happens.
The following people thank Ahhh Girl for this post:
Mr. KiteCan buy Joe love! Amazon | iTunes
Check here for "how do I do this" guide to the forum. (2017) (2018)
3.39am
Reviewers
14 April 2010
Annadog40 said
Three Bears it’s their house. I remember I had to write a different version of that fairy tale for class once
I would so like to read that, @Starr Shine? . Goldilocks should have been thrown in jail for B&E.
Ahhh Girl said
Your place or mine?
Yours – I owe you a goat or two.
Buddy Holly’s ‘Rave On’ or Eddie Cochran’s ‘Twenty Flight Rock’?
The following people thank Zig for this post:
Ahhh GirlTo the fountain of perpetual mirth, let it roll for all its worth. And all the children boogie.
7.33am
1 November 2012
Like
Fire or Ice
(Wow, this game flies along at a fast clip! I play one day, then check back a day later, and like 20 people have added stuff!)
The following people thank Funny Paper for this post:
Mr. KiteFaded flowers, wait in a jar, till the evening is complete... complete... complete... complete...
10.09am
Reviewers
Moderators
1 May 2011
Roald Dahl’s brilliant rewrite of Goldilocks.
GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS
by
Roald DahlThis famous wicked little tale
Should never have been put on sale
It is a mystery to me
Why loving parents cannot see
That this is actually a book
About a brazen little crook
Had I the chance I wouldn’t fail
To clap young Goldilocks in jail
Now just imagine how you’d feel
If you had cooked a lovely meal
Delicious porridge, steaming hot
Fresh coffee in the coffee-pot
With maybe toast and marmalade
The table beautifully laid
One place for you and one for Dad
Another for your little lad
Then Dad cries, “Golly-gosh! Gee whizz!
Oh cripes! How hot this porridge is,
Let’s take a walk along the street
Until it’s cool enough to eat.”
He adds, “An early morning stroll
Is good for people on the whole
It makes your appetite improve
It also helps your bowels to move.”
No proper wife would dare to question
Such a sensible suggestion
Above all not at breakfast time
When men are seldom at their prime.No sooner are you down the road
Than Goldilocks, that little toad
That nosey thieving little louse
Comes sneaking in your empty house
She looks around, she quickly notes
Three bowls brimful of porridge oats
And while still standing on her feet
She grabs a spoon and starts to eat
I say again, how would you feel
If you had made this lovely meal
And some delinquent little tot
Broke in and gobbled up the lot?But wait! That’s not the worst of it
Now comes the most depressing bit
You are of course a houseproud wife
And all your happy married life
You have collected lovely things
Like guilded cherubs wearing wings
And furniture by Chippendale
Bought at some famous auction sale
But your most special valued treasure
The piece that gives you endless pleasure
Is one small children’s dining-chair
Elizabethan, very rare
It is in fact your joy and pride
Passed down to you on grandma’s side
But Goldilocks, like many freaks
Does not appreciate antiques
She doesn’t care, she doesn’t mind
And now she plomks her fat behind
Upon this dainty precious chair
And crunch! It bursts beyond repair
A nice girl would at once exclaim
“Oh dear! Oh heavens! What a shame.”
Not Goldilocks, she begins to swear
She bellows, “What a lousy chair.”
And used one disgusting word
That luckily you’ve never heard
(I dare not write it, even hint it
Nobody would ever print it)You’d think by now this little skunk
Would have the sense to do a bunk
But no, I very much regret
She hasn’t nearly finished yet
Deciding she would like a rest
She says, “Let’s see which bed is best.”
Upstairs she goes and tries all three
(Here comes the next catastrophe)
Most educated people choose
To rid themselves of socks and shoes
Before they clamber into bed
But Goldie didn’t give a shred
Her filthy shoes were thick with grime
And mud and mush and slush and slime
Worse still, upon the heel of one
Was somehting that a dog had done
I say once more, what would you think
If all this horrid dirt and stink
Was smeared upon your eiderdown
By this revolting little clown
(The famous story has no clues
To show the girl removed her shoes)
Oh what a tale of crime on crime
Let’s check it for a second time.Crime one, the prosecution’s case
She breaks and enters someone’s place.Crime two, the prosecutor notes
She steals a bowl of porridge oats.Crime three, she breaks a precious chair
Belonging to the Baby Bear.Crime four, she smears each spotless sheet
With filthy messes from her feet.A judge would say without a blink
“Ten years hard labour in the clink.”
But in the book, as you will see
The little beast gets off Scot-free
While tiny children near and far
Shout, “Goody-good! Hooray! Hurrah!
Poor Darling Goldilocks,” they say,
“Thank goodness that she got away.”Myself, I think I’d rather send
Young Goldie to a sticky end
“Oh Daddy” cried the Baby Bear
“My porridge gone, it isn’t fair!”
“Then go upstairs,” the Big Bear said
“Your porridge is upon the bed
But as it’s inside mademoiselle
You’ll have to eat her up as well.”
It was also animated
Fire. Its a much better song than ‘Cold As Ice’ and of course you have George running around with a flaming ashtray on his head.
Onions or Garlic?
The following people thank meanmistermustard for this post:
Starr Shine?, Mr. Kite"I told you everything I could about me, Told you everything I could" ('Before Believing' - Emmylou Harris)
10.26am
2 June 2014
12.17pm
8 August 2014
1.54pm
1 November 2013
CD don’t have a record player
Zig said
Annadog40 said
Three Bears it’s their house. I remember I had to write a different version of that fairy tale for class onceI would so like to read that, @Starr Shine? . Goldilocks should have been thrown in jail for B&E.
Sure, it was written as a group project for forensics class
The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Goldilocks never ran away after the bears arrived, what the public doesn’t know is that she never left the house alive! The story starts with Goldilocks, a troubled strawberry blonde teen girl who suffers from Alopecia areata. She was teased all her life for having Goldilocks as a name even though she is a strawberry blond head.
That afternoon she decided to go on a walk in the forest. Pretty soon, she came upon a house. She knocked and, when no one answered, she walked right in. Not knowing her first move as she walked in she noticed the table was set for someone to have brunch. She thought it would be a good idea to eat because she was very poor and cancerous and had no way to eat.
At the table in the kitchen, there were three bowls of porridge. Goldilocks was hungry. She tasted the porridge from the first bowl. In a sequence she tasted each of the bears bowls and one after the other she was disgusted by the condition of the food.
After she’d eaten the three bears’ breakfasts she was feeling a little tired. So, she walked into the living room where she saw three chairs. Goldilocks sat in the first chair to rest her feet. Goldilocks didn’t like this chair due to how deep it was so she got up and found another chair. Some of her hair was left behind in the first chair.
So she sat in the second chair. She then found out that the chair was too hard on her back. So she tried the last and smallest chair and broke it into little bite sized pieces.
Goldilocks was very tired by this time, so she went upstairs to the bedroom. She lay down in the first bed, but it was too hard. Then she lay in the second bed, but it was too soft. Then she lay down in the third bed and it was just right. Goldilocks fell asleep forever.
Goldilocks mom got frantic after her daughter didn’t come home that evening and notified the police. The investigators went to her last known location and tracked her to the bear’s house in the woods.
The investigators and Officer Lennie Small started their evidence procedure in the kitchen. In the kitchen a group of investigators swabbed some of the remaining saliva on the edge of each bowl. They placed the swab covered with saliva in an evidence bag for later chemical analysis. They moved on to the living room and searched through the furniture for evidence of foul play. Papa bear’s seat was the first piece of furniture that was searched, then mama bears, baby bear’s chair was pulverized into tiny bite sized pieces. On the first seat one of the investigators managed to find a piece of hair that didn’t seem to belong to any of the three bears. The strand of hair was strawberry blond and had traces of Goldilocks RNA.
The next location in the house that was to be searched was the bedrooms. When they arrived they saw immediate signs of a struggle on baby bears mattress, the mattress was knocked over and a small trail of blood lead the officers to the window where they found a longer trail of porridge to the rotting shack. After bagging the porridge, they went in and they found Goldilocks’ decaying half eaten body. The investigators found bear teeth in her face along with other putrid marks on her strawberry blond dead body. The investigators continued with the evidence procedure and bagged the blood samples found on baby bear’s bed. As well as the blood streaks on the window that led to the shack.
An autopsy on Goldilocks was done by Dr. Greg House M.D. revealing that she died of mauling and being eaten partly. Goldilocks head has been decapitated and huge amounts of trauma were inflicted on her body and bite marks were everywhere
The detectives decide that there is enough evidence to interview the suspects. They first interviewed Papa bear. The investigators found bear teeth in her face and when they interrogated papa bear they asked him questions and they noticed that he is missing teeth in his mouth. When confronted papa bear took off his mask and was revealed to be mama bear in disguise! Papa bear was revealed to have been cheating on mama bear with Goldilocks and she was so mad that she tried to frame him for murder to get back at him.
TwoDay or OneDay?
The following people thank Starr Shine? for this post:
Mr. KiteIf you can't log in and can't use the forum go here and someone will help you out.
6.59pm
Reviewers
14 April 2010
mmm – thanks so much for posting “Roald Dahl’s brilliant rewrite of Goldilocks”. I laughed a lot.
AD40 – I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. I so enjoy your creativity. Thanks!
Annadog40 said
TwoDay or OneDay?
Not sure what they refer to, but if it’s days off from work, I’ll take TwoDay. If it means something else, I’ll have to plead ignorance…again.
Jaws or Sharknado?
To the fountain of perpetual mirth, let it roll for all its worth. And all the children boogie.
8.56pm
2 June 2014
5.28am
11 September 2014
Note by Ahhh Girl. Blast it. I am so sorry. I ended up editing your post Polythene Pam . ACKKKKKKKKKKK! I know your question was about which way you would go around a building.
If you PM with what you had here originally, I will put the post back right again.
Zig deleted someone’s post earlier today. It isn’t a good mod day.
EDIT: I’ll leave my note in place so the next few posts will make sense.
Here’s what Polythene Pam originally posted here
Drums
If you had to go around a building to get to the other side of it, would you go left or right?
Why do you even bother in reading? There's nothing strange going on around here... Or is it?
5.41am
Moderators
Members
Reviewers
20 August 2013
If you walk out of the Vatican museum and want to go to the square in front of St. Peter’s, turn right. If you don’t, you will end up walking around the entire perimeter of Vatican City. Luckily for my mom and me, Vatican City isn’t very big. Yep, we made the mistake of turning left. We kept thinking we would reach the square with every turn. Oh well, now we can say we walked around an entire country.
Rain OR clouds that make a daisy chain?
Can buy Joe love! Amazon | iTunes
Check here for "how do I do this" guide to the forum. (2017) (2018)
2.56pm
2 June 2014
Rain . Cause it makes me happy
What would you play in a band
Bass or Drums
3.25pm
1 November 2013
Drums cause I know how to play them a little
Legs or Ears?
If you can't log in and can't use the forum go here and someone will help you out.
4.09pm
Reviewers
4 February 2014
Meant to thank MMM, not FP.
Roald Dahl’s version was amazing and makes perfect sense. Goldilocks was a brat and deserved what she got in Anna’s story!
I’d like to continue hearing music, so I guess ears.
AC or Heating?
1 Guest(s)