The "Incredibly Impossible to Derail This Thread" thread | Page 654 | Fab Forum | The Beatles Bible

Frau Blucher!!

In a different thread, I have been subtly challenged to “give it the old college try” and articulate why I abhor the Paul McCartney track called ‘Temporary Secretary ’. There will be no argument from me. There will be no assuming I’m right and everyone else is wrong. These are strictly my feelings and my opinions. Get comfy and pour your favorite beverage. You might be here for a while…or not.

First, some background. I love raw music. Rock & Roll, Blues, old R&B, Classical, etc… That is not to say that my musical “likes” are limited to those genres and there are always exceptions. But that is where everything starts with me.

As a kid, I was exposed to various artists who played a wide variety of musical styles via my father’s album collection, the AM radio in mom’s old Plymouth Valiant, my older cousins’ albums and 45’s or whatever Miss Hunt played on her piano in elementary school Music class. I’m used to giving a song or a particular genre at least a listen. Maybe two listens if I’m interested enough. I say all this to let you know that I am not a music snob (my definition is, “I like this and everything else is crap”). Rather, I know what I like from a song, artist or genre. Taking that further, once I attach myself to a particular artist, I know what I expect from them. I am very disappointed when those expectations are shattered. Do I take it too far in that respect? Maybe. But that’s me, and those who know me best realize that I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve. Instead, it beats conspicuously for the entire world to see, smack dab in the middle of my forehead like a third eye. There will never be any doubt about where I stand on anything. Love me or hate me, know this; I will never lie to you. But I digress.

Having set the stage in the prior paragraph, let me elaborate with some examples of what I mean by “shattered expectations”. These are in no particular order; I am just listing them as I think of them.

Aerosmith – Their first 4 or 5 albums were incredible – hardnosed guitar, bass, drums and amazing vocals. Raw, powerful R&R is what I came to expect from this band. Then, during the Joe Perry-less timeframe, changes in their style started surfacing. There were some real rockers among the tracks, but for the most part, the band seemed to have lost that raw edge that defined their style. Don’t get me started on the stuff they released in the late 80’s. Were these bad albums? Not for me to say. If someone likes that type of thing (many have and still do), more power to them. During the 80’s and even up to now, the band has celebrated more success than they did in the early years. But, the sound that drew me to them had disappeared. Very disappointing. They were no longer MY Aerosmith.

Kiss – What pre-teen or teenage boy back in the 70’s didn’t like this band? Makeup and theatrics aside, these guys rocked my socks off. I could not wait for the next single or album to be released. Then, one day on the radio, the DJ announced the new single by Kiss. Yeahhhhhh – a new Kiss song!! He then played ‘Beth’. Are you f*****g kidding me?!?!?! On its own, Hell even if it was a Paul McCartney ballad, I may have liked at least parts of it. But, from Kiss? That type of song is not what made me a fan. After that, they still put out some great rockers, but I became wary and a little distrusting of anything they released. It wasn’t the same. They were no longer MY Kiss.

Pink Floyd – Not exactly raw Rock & Roll, but their music was real. You could groove to it like one would to old R&B. Psychedelic electronic sounds were prevalent to be sure, but in the background, there usually was a basic real-sounding drum beat, bass line or guitar riff steering the ship. Then, right around the time of The Wall, their sound started to turn more commercial, overproduced (sounds odd saying that about Pink Floyd) and less real. That album was the last one of theirs I had any interest in. Very disappointing. They were no longer MY Pink Floyd.

I could cite myriad more examples but let’s get right down to it.

McCartney II / ‘Temporary Secretary ’ – I love The Beatles. I love the individual works of John, Paul, George and Ringo. Like everyone else, I do like certain songs less than others. However, even in those songs, I can find something I like within them; a harmony here, a minor chord there, “hey, that was a cool guitar part”. You get the idea. Again, the point is, I knew what to expect. Then, in Spring of 1980, my best buddy John and I heard the new McCartney song, ‘Coming Up ’ on the radio. It wasn’t the best thing we ever heard from Paul, but it wasn’t the worst. John was a huuuuge McCartney fan, so he went out and bought the album. When he got home, he called me over to his house. We went upstairs to his room, placed the album on the turntable and scoured the cover art while ‘CU’ played. We couldn’t wait to hear the rest of the album. Then, track 2 started; ‘Temporary Secretary ’. The color drained from both of our faces. I swear he had tears in his eyes. What the Hell is this?!?! This didn’t rock. This was not a well written ballad. WTF is he doing?!?! This is the tune ‘Popcorn’ played at 78 rpm…with crappy lyrics to boot! It most certainly was not what we expected from Paul McCartney . This was what we would have expected from some schmucks trying to cash in on a gimmicky song. Very disappointing. This was not MY Paul McCartney .

If now you are thinking my detestation of this track is based purely on emotion, let me set the record straight. I have never liked technopop, synthpop or whatever it is called. I am not a psychologist, neurologist or musicologist, so don’t ask me to explain the following. Invariably, when I hear something from this genre, I literally wince. It is painful. No kidding, no exaggeration. When I say “nails on a chalk board”, I am not joking. It relieves me to no end that I am not a spy holding secrets that could, if found out, jeopardize national security. That is because everyone now knows what could torture me to the point that I would renounce my country, family, pets and left testicle. To make matters worse, ‘TS’, in my own opinion is the absolute worst (I can’t even bring myself to call it a song) track I’ve ever heard that is considered synthpop or whatever it was supposed to be. To be fair though, I haven’t heard every one. There could be worse.

Let me clarify one final point. When I said “I don’t get what everyone likes about this…”, I meant it. It will forever escape me. That does not mean I question the intelligence, taste or right to live of anyone who does like it. More power to you. There is no offense intended – just my feelings and opinions.

I understand that this rant will not gain me entrance to Mensa. But it wasn’t bad for an “old college try”, eh? Thanks for listening.