Pet Peeves | Page 74 | Fab Forum | The Beatles Bible

Since moving from America to Japan, I have developed some new ones.  Japan is a lot like older European cities; things built very close together and to the limits of the local infrastructure, like suddenly disappearing sidewalks (“Guess I walk just in the road until I get past this building”).  Roads so narrow, only one car can successfully drive through, yet it’s a 2-way street, etc.  And where I am, there are numerous tunnels.  Also similar is that, until very recently, bicycles were used as the primary method of transportation in the local neighborhood.  Those were replaced by mopeds (wait for it).

1.  Bicycles are illegal on sidewalks.  So they’re on the road with vehicular traffic.  In order to ‘create’ as many two-lane roads (4 lanes; 2 on each side), each lane is as narrow as freakin’ possible.  If you’re in the left (slower) lane, that’s where you’ll encounter the bicyclist.  As most of the younger generation don’t ride bikes, it’s being pedaled by someone with a shot at the Guinness record for longest-living human.  You have to edge around them and that means intruding into the lane next to you.

2.  Japanese hate it when you try to get in front of them.  It’s as if they think “you chose that lane, now suffer the consequences!” and they’ll speed up to prevent you from getting in front of them, even if it’s just to get around a fossil on a bicycle.

3.  While you’re attempting to do that, and you’ve lucked out that the driver of the car in the other lane is kind enough to maintain their speed (that’s a signal that they’ll let you in, but you have to speed up to the empty space in front of them, while gauging your distance to elderly person you’re gaining on, just as they appear to be having problems keeping the handle bars from wobbling back and forth), from out of nowhere comes the moped rider, splitting the lane so he can be at the head of the pack at the next traffic signal that you just realized is red.

4.  In Japan, there’s a traffic signal every 50 meters.  Or less.  There are traffic signals where there are no cross roads.  I know, I know.

5.  In Japan, you’re allowed to take a cell phone call in your car.  Provided you stop.  Right were you are.  Even if it’s on a blind curve.

6.  Japanese get lots of phone calls.

7.  There is very little parking in the larger Japanese cities, so people either ride the train, get creative with their parking, or just freakin’ park in the lane.  That you’re in.  While you’re right behind them.  And no one in other other lane will let you out.

8.  In Japan, you will learn where all the bus stops are.  Even if you never-ever ride the bus.

9.  Some of the middle-aged Japanese have taken to riding mopeds.  Except, they ride them like they’re on a bicycle, doing 15kph less than the speed limit.  After you’ve waged instantaneous and ingenious psychological warfare with the traffic in the next lane, utilizing false faces of inebriation or pending seizure, you come to a full stop at a red traffic light.  Where you are passed by the mamasan on the moped as she rides to the front of the lane.

10. And while there are many more, the last one for now is, Japan gives special tax breaks to those who buy smaller cars, K-Cars, they call them.  They’re like minis.  Only smaller.  The biggest benefit to these cars comes with the lack of parking.  Some stores have dedicated parking spots for K-Cars because they can get more parking spots in than for regular-sized cars.  That’s all good and stuff, but the peeve comes in when you’re cruising through parking for regular-sized cars and think you see an empty spot…

But I do love it here.  The pros far outweigh the cons.

The “first boy band” assessment.  I’m gonna wind up in front of a judge for this one.