In My Life – what's happening in your life currently? | Page 687 | Fab Forum | The Beatles Bible

@lovelyritametermaid I kinda envy you at least you have set for different choices, I’m too indecisive to even realize that I want to go ahead with anything. I would love to have to decide between two options and wage them out, I got none (yet), at least none that I truly want to go ahead and do. Everybody’s always told me that I love movies and music so much that I should do something about that and I… don’t know if I want to do that. I’m good at it, I’ve been led to believe; everybody always tells me I’m fairly original and instinctive when it comes to writing and creating, but I don’t want to be stuck at passionate jobs that leave me no money or a feeling of success, which is what I’m parcially after, but I also don’t want to be stuck at a passion-less job that provides for me. There’s gotta be a middle point. My father’s made the most success out of himself becoming a well-established boss of his own modest building company and he absolutely loves his job, his father was the most beloved photographer of his town and everybody recognices me as “that man’s grandson” as I carry the surname, and he also loved his job.

But there’s no pressure involved. That’s the worst part of it. Every bit of pressure on me to become as happy and involved with my profession as my father and my grandfather is only imposed by me. I am my worst enemy. I could get a data-filling job in the city and just go white-collar for the rest of my life, establish a basic economic plan and focus on my relationships with friends and women, BUT I FEEL IT’S NOT ENOUGH. People tell me “you shouldn’t do what pays, but what you like”, but I like buying movies and having a house, is it normal or am I just greedy? Money is just a goal to me as having a job I enjoy.

Anyway, our generation tends to be the most stressed out, just look at ourselves. In a lot of cases teens get this harsh pressure from their parents to do stuff they don’t want to do. But in my case, the only thing that would disappoint my parents would be indecision. Is like, they’re totally fine with me choosing my career, but I’m not fine with picking something sub-par. I want it to be special but also not that risky, it is an impossible standard that I can’t get out of my head. I don’t want to have the exact same job as my father or mother because it’s too easy, I want to be a self-made man, but simultaneously, I’ve been trained and I’m skilled in worthless artistic talents that in Argentina will never be fruitful, and I’m decent in History and Math but I don’t want to do nothing of the sort. Basically both my parents and their parents were all strugglers and poor and they all made their way into jobs they love and they’re good at.

So I instinctively feel the need to prove to myself that I could do it, but simoultaneously I find that the amount of privilege I grew up with has made me incapable of knowing how. And on top of that I don’t know what I want to do. I know what I don’t want to do: I don’t want to work in a cubicle for the entirety of my life unless it’s part of my plan, I don’t want to be uncertain of the next paycheck, and I need it not to be either translating (like my mom) or building (like my dad). I want to know if I can be my own person, but I haven’t find out how. And it’s probably a curse that I’ve limited myself so much as well as put such high standards on me, and it’ll probably kick me in the butt someday, and honestly is disheartening.

But I have a feeling that there has to be something that when I see it, I’ll immediately say “that’s what, I will do that!”, and then finally get some step-by-step plan, but there’s nothing yet that I’m passionate enough about, because even though I love a lot of professions as ideas, I also love economic stability, and I need that to be pasionate as well, so look how tricky. I also now that I won’t find it right Out Of The Blue and I’ll have to work my ass off to find it, but I don’t even know when to start and with COVID-19 grabbing me right after I finished high school, it feels as an opportunity to work on myself and think it all over, and also a missed opportunity to really go out into the world and find out what the hell is out there for me.

I tend to look at this optimstically. I believe everything eventually solves itself. One of my favourite saying comes from Scarlett O’Hara on Gone with the Wind: “I’ll think about that tomorrow”. It’s half procrastinating, but half liberating as it lets you focus more clearly on the little things you’re doing right now. But deep down, I’ve always been frightened of the future, and of really missing out on opportunities that sometimes I don’t have the mental strength to cease.

In my personal experience, the only thing that you have to remember is that most people are in this same boat at this age, even if they pretend they have it all figured it out. You are not alone.