In My Life – what's happening in your life currently? | Page 282 | Fab Forum | The Beatles Bible

God , I hate being so slow on the uptake. I do a simple retail job at weekends, just basic till/warehouse stuff, and every time, without fail, I manage to make some kind of mistake. Just this weekend alone I’ve managed to set off the store’s intruder alarm after closing, accidentally shred a customer’s printer paper by putting it on the conveyor belt without a support pad, and I just find I can’t follow even basic instructions without misinterpreting or going wrong somewhere.

It infuriates me, because frankly a large part of my ego is founded upon what I perceive to be my own intellect. I’m completely inept at any kind of athleticism. The whole “mind over matter” spiel has kept me going for years, but increasingly I’ve been feeling like a complete moron. I like to crack sarcastic jokes, but I just end up feeling humiliated and perhaps even mentally challenged.

I end up stressing about whether I’m seen as a liability, or like, the workforce Forrest Gump and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I seriously view being thought of as stupid as a fate worse than death. I don’t even mind being seen as a daydreamer, or a guy with his head in the clouds who is still pretty smart in his own way. I just can’t deal with the possibility of being the village idiot, and being resented for it, psychologically.

I return to The Beatles as a kind of safeguard when things get too much for me as they have done recently – Plastic Ono Band is such an incredibly relatable album for me at the moment, oddly enough. I just feel totally overwhelmed and frustrated with myself, as well as terrified of my work colleagues. 

Thanks for your feedback folks, I really appreciate it. I’m naturally inclined to overthink and get flustered if something out of the ordinary crops up.

I’d definitely agree that a big part of it is just general boredom – despite only working three hour shifts it staggers me just how monotonous it is, and I often get very nihilistic thoughts about capitalism and the like while working. I’m only doing it for some pocket money really, I hope to study English Literature at university so I guess at the back of my mind I’m always viewing it as a relatively minor part of my life (until it isn’t). I’ve just gotta channel whatever emotion you could call this into something better, and let go of any possible perceptions people have of me. Life flows on within you and without you.