Mother f*****g son of a bitch who corrected my English mock paper. Sixty-four per-cent they gave me, SIXTY FOUR F*****G PER-CENT!!! Just on the brink of a C1 and they have the audacity to not only poorly correct my exam but to leave me a percent off of me getting a C1/C+ grade. I have never gotten a C in my senior cycle and now I got one because of this idiotic t**t who appears to have not graded a paper in his/her life! I poured my heart and soul into my short story, correctly answered the title, did not divert off the question and I got a measly 62/100. 

A little background to my short story: I had to write a short story where an animal played a key role.

Mine was set in Russia around early 1900’s, about a German shepherd called Gatsby and his master. The master ends up dying about 4 pages in but the dog never realizes this blah, blah blah. It ends with the dog starving to death during the winter. It’s pessimistic but so are a lot of stories and what did my examiner write: 

“It’s a sad story (well f*****g done Einstein)- some suggestions- what colour fur has Gatsby? Has he any distinguishing marks? Colouring? (These are alright suggestions, doesn’t really add much to the story nor does he/she make any comments on ways to actually improve my writing style/development etc. but that’s alright I can take those comments.) You could complicate the plot a little more by introducting some nasty characters who maybe attack his master at home. Gatsby comes to the rescue-not without a lost to himself though- an heroic dog (Holla, holla, what? You want me to change my dark ending to something that is more sunshine, lollipops and rainbows for you? I answered the question that was asked of me and I didn’t want to do something clichéd like you wanted me to by doing a cutesy Hollywood ending where Gatsby saves the day and everything goes back to being great. “Without a lost to himself though” – doesn’t make any sense I don’t know what you are trying to say but it is incomprehensible and you’re meant to be an English teacher? That and you did put an ‘an’ where it is not needed. 

My own English teacher was baffled by her statement, so what if it’s bleak? That’s the way it went so boohoo examiner! 

The only section that was properly corrected was my poetry where I got 40/50 and 12/20 respectively and I deserved those grades in both answers. Everything else was all over the shop. I had to write a diary entry from a character’s point of view in a text I had read. Fair enough, I did that and what does the eejit do? She wants me to QUOTE FROM THE TEXT IN A DIARY ENTRY!!!!! A diary is a personal thing you do not quote people in your diary- that’s just stupid and she took marks off of me for not quoting people. God , you don’t remember exact sentences that people have said during the day! You mention them and you might do a generalised statement of what a person said. I got something like 27/50 because of that muppet’s ineptitude to grade properly. 

Finally (there are far more complaints I just don’t have enough time to write them all down) during my Othello question, over 4 pages I used various quotes ranging from 1/2 words to sentence-long quotes ranging from all the main characters (Desdemona, Iago, Othello) and also some minor ones (Bianca). I used 24 QUOTES over 4 pages that is 6 quotes a page and the numpty said I didn’t use enough quotes. HOLY SWEET JESUS? WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT OFF ME! THAT EVERY SENTENCE SHOULD HAVE A QUOTE?? That isn’t the ‘done-thing’ and it’ll just make your answer look cluttered and messy that you’re just throwing quotes in because you learned them off- they won’t even be relevant to the text. The question was  on ‘jealousy, hatred and revenge’ and he/she wanted me to write on ‘love’. LOVE GODDAMIT? THE QUESTION DIDN’T ASK ABOUT LOVE YOU IDIOT SO WHY WOULD I TALK ABOUT LOVE?!?!

Oh and I forgot to add, I was writing on the novel ‘How Many Miles to Babylon’ and I was writing this sentence:

“The pair tells their story in real time” while the examiner ended up correcting it with:

“The pair They both tells their story in real time”- Yet again that does not make sense you nincompoop, didn’t they teach you anything in college? 

I’m seriously pissed off (and I hope understandably so)

Rant over