Funniest Post/Creative Contribution | Page 3 | Fab Forum | The Beatles Bible

Once upon a time at Ron Nasty’s house, someone rang the doorbell.

Ron Nasty: Who is it?

meanmistermustard: It’s me, remember, you invited me over.

Ron Nasty: Of course, come on in.

Ron Nasty lets meanmistermustard in and then the two of them decide to sit down on the couch.

Ron Nasty: Would you care for a cup of tea?

meanmistermustard: Sure.

Ron Nasty: How many sugars would you like? I use 2 cubes myself.

meanmistermustard: 1 will do.

Ron Nasty: Alright then.

meanmistermustard notices Ron Nasty’s beautiful tea table book collection.

meanmistermustard: those sure are some nice books.

Ron Nasty: Yes they are.

meanmistermustard: Can you tell me more about them?

Ron Nasty: They’re all books about The Beatles, we have The Complete Beatles Recording Sessions by Mark Lewisohn, Many Years From Now by Paul McCartney but ghostwritten by Barry Miles, Revolution In The Head by Ian MacDonald, I Me Mine by George Harrison, The Beatles by Hunter Davies which is the only Beatles biography that was written while The Beatles were still together, and who could forget my collection of Beatles Book Monthly magazines.

meanmistermustard: That sure is a big book collection.

Ron Nasty: Yes it is.

The tea kettle whistles.

Ron Nasty: Bloody hell, that sure was fast. Tea time.

meanmistermustard: This sure is great tea, what’s your secret to making it so good.

Ron Nasty: Simple really, I love tea so I make sure that I use only the best ingredients in my tea.

Ron Nasty: Say, would you like to listen to a record, I’ve got The Beatles In Mono box set, as well as Abbey Road and Let It Be, also some stuff from Bob Dylan and David Bowie as well as News Of The World by Queen and Elvis Presley’s debut album and a various artist compilation that I found on the curb.

meanmistermustard: I’d love to listen to Revolver, great album and I really love the mono mix.

Ron Nasty: Alright then, let’s place it on the automatic turntable.

Ron Nasty places his mono Revolver album on his nice looking vintage semi automatic turntable and the song Taxman starts to play.

meanmistermustard: What do you think about Donald Trump being the president of the United States.

Ron Nasty: I can’t believe that bloke won the election, such an immature lad, it’s a good thing we have the queen running our country.

meanmistermustard: Aye, I think it’s great that Her Majesty is running our country instead of some chap with the mind of a 10 year old.

Ron Nasty: Isn’t it funny how they attached the same exact solo at the end. The edit is clear as hell, it isn’t even like they had him record the solo twice, they just copy and pasted the solo section at the end of the song.

meanmistermustard: Very interesting, I like it. Thinking about it, did you know Dark Overlord PMed you yesterday.

Ron Nasty: No, I better check that out.

meanmistermustard: How’s your life been since the last time we chatted.

Ron Nasty: Pretty good, been listening to some Dylan lately, bought a new pair of trousers. I’ll say one thing, it’s a bloody good thing I don’t have any children.

meanmistermustard: Just the thought of having to take care of a bunch of little blokes like that makes me sick, I never want to have children.

Ron Nasty: How does it being a mod, I stepped down awhile back, is it still the same.

meanmistermustard: Aye, pretty much, there are a few changes but nothing special.

Ron Nasty: You know what I don’t get, why do people claim that Paul played bass on Love You To, even listening to it right now, I can’t hear a damned thing that sounds like a bass.

meanmistermustard: My guess would be that Paul recorded a bass part but they later decided to scrap it.

Ron Nasty: Seems right to me, I bet Dark Overlord would love to hear this conversation.

meanmistermustard: I remember yesterday when he asked on the forum if John C. Winn was correct about John’s bass on the backing track to Back In The USSR being wiped.

Ron Nasty: I’m pretty sure there are 3 different bass parts in the song, one by John on the backing track and 2 that Paul overdubbed, I doubt that they would’ve wiped John’s bass track, maybe Winn made a mistake, it’s hard to write a book like that without making a mistake.

10 minutes later

Ron Nasty: Time to flip the vinyl over so we can hear Good Day Sunshine. Some people say that flipping the vinyl is a pain in the arse, but I think it’s a healthy thing to do.

Ron Nasty flips the vinyl over to side 2 and Good Day Sunshine starts playing.

meanmistermustard: You know, I was reading this site earlier called beatlesebooks and it said that George played bass on this song, what do you think about that.

Ron Nasty: Absolute bollocks if you ask me, what sort of nonsense is that, why the hell would George play bass, it’s obviously Paul there on bass.

meanmistermustard: after this, would you like to watch the telly while I buy some fish and chips.

Ron Nasty: Sure, how about we watch one of my favorite movies, Schindler’s List.

meanmistermustard: I’d prefer a Beatles documentary myself, do you own Anthology.

Ron Nasty: Of course, no Beatles collection is complete without it, I have it on both CD ad DVD, I’ll get that out.

meanmistermustard goes out to buy some fish and chips, as well as some popcorn and Jack and they watch all 8 volumes of Anthology before meanmistermustard finally has to go home.

The End.

Intro:

It was December 1st, 1982 and everybody was sitting at their house when suddenly the CIA politely asked everyone to leave and go to The White House.

Once there, Donald Trump, who has been president since January of 1981, does a head count.

Donald: Alright there, let’s see, we’ve got Joe of 26 years, Ron Nasty of 15 years, meanmistermustard of 31 years, Dark Overlord of 18 years, The Hole Got Fixed of 15 years, Silly Girl of 18 years, Martha of 17 years, AppleScruffJunior of 19 years, WeepingAtlasCedars of 17 years, Starr Shine? of 22 years, and Little Piggy Dragonguy of 20 years all present, we are ready to succeed.

Dark: Why are we here.

Donald: You will find that out soon. Now girls, follow Jimmy here down to the basement where you will have a slumber party. Guys, I have something special for you.

Path I:

The Slumber Party

Jimmy: Follow me to the basement.

They do as he says.

Jimmy: Here is your room, complete with bean bags, pillows, a spa, a pool, a hot tub, a puppy, a TV with cable, an FM radio, a classical pianist, and a personal chef.

Starr Shine?: Is there a catch, last time you gave me a grand piano for a Christmas present only for me to find that it was covered in LSD.

Jimmy: No catch, we just thought you might like it here.

Silly Girl: Looks nice, let’s start with lunch, I’m hungry.

Chef: How about some lobster served with a side of caviar.

Piggy: Sorry but I’m a vegetarian, I don’t eat meat.

Chef: Alright then, how about some cheese pizza with French fries and lemonade.

Everybody: Yay.

The classical pianist starts playing.

Martha: What do you girls think about boys, I think Freddie Mercury looks really cute.

Apple: OMG, like no way girl, I’d like totally go for Michael Jackson.

WeepingAtlasCedars: like no, my true love is George Michael.

Piggy: I think Matthew Broderick is wicked hot girls.

Silly Girl: OMG, there’s no one sexier than Mel Gibson.

Starr Shine?: I think Paul McCartney is cute.

Apple: Yeah right, like maybe 15 years ago girl.

Piggy: OMG girls, like we should totally hit the spa.

Silly Girl: Like that sounds totally radical.

So the girls went to the spa, had a swim in the pool, and then sat in the hot tub while watching TV and while they were in there, they decided to have some grilled cheese with tomato soup and a side salad.

Piggy: This is like oh my god the best slumber party ever.

Silly Girl: Like let’s have a pillow fight.

Apple: I’ll go back for another round at the spa, you guys pillow fight yourselves.

And so they do.

Starr Shine?: Oh my god, that was totally like the best slumber party ever. Well, good night girls.

Martha: Like good night everyone too.

So they fall asleep.

The following morning.

Jimmy: Wake up girls, you are needed to watch a trivia contest.

Apple: It’s like 6 in the morning.

Piggy: Sounds totally fun, like let’s go girls.

They go to the trivia contest.

Path II:

Come to this place right now, follow me

The boys follow Donald trump into a lounge with a couch, footstands, a cold water dispenser, and an IBM PC connected to a modem.

Donald: Do you guys know why I brought you here.

Dark: Is it because you want our knowledge regarding The Beatles.

Donald: That’s exactly why. You see, every year the UK and the US have a trivia contest with different subjects such as World War II, Looney Tunes, but this year it’s The Beatles. I love The Beatles, I used to listen to them when I was younger but I am not allowed to participate in this contest, so I needed to find the perfect Beatles fans to do this and I found just the people that I wanted on a BBS for the IBM PC, simply titled Beatles BBS.

Ron: So you’re saying that you brought me all the way over here just to win a stupid trivia game.

Joe: Actually, this sounds rather fun.

Donald: Before we start, I want to know about you guys, how did you get into The Beatles.

Joe: I watched The Ed Sullivan Show.

Ron: My parents listened to them with me when I was a baby.

Mustard: I heard Love Me Do on the radio back in 1962.

Dark: My mother took me to see Yellow Submarine when I was 4.

Hole: My mother took me to see Yellow Submarine as a baby.

Donald: That’s good, now I am going to ask each of you a question and I need you to answer it. Joe, who played bass on Helter Skelter . Ron, what year did John meet Yoko. Mustard, what Beatle is barefoot on the Abbey Road album cover. Dark, what guitar did George play on Savoy Truffle . Hole, name every officially released Beatles song that was written entirely by George Harrison . Now 3-2-1 go!

Joe: John Lennon , he uses his Fender Bass VI

Ron: 1966, he met her during an art exhibition that involved hammering a nail into a piece of wood

Mustard: Paul McCartney

Dark: Gibson Les Paul

Hole: Don’t Bother Me , I Need You , You Like Me Too Much , Think For Yourself , If I Needed Someone , Taxman , Love You To , I Want To Tell You , Within You Without You , Blue Jay Way , Only A Northern Song , The Inner Light , While My Guitar Gently Weeps , Piggies , Long Long Long, Savoy Truffle , Something , Here Comes The Sun , Old Brown Shoe and I Me Mine .

Donald: Impressive, where did you guys learn all of this information.

Joe: Well there’s the forum but there’s also books, films, magazines, newspapers, and of course listening to the music itself.

Donald: That doesn’t matter, we’re going to ace the competition. Here, have a drink.

So they have a drink and are shipped home knowing that at 6am, the secret service will be knocking on their doors so they can go to the trivia contest.

Part III:

The contest

Donald: Well here we are, Trump towers, ain’t she a beauty.

Ron: Don’t you think that it’s a little weird that we’re doing the competition here instead of somewhere a little more professional.

Donald: Not at all, now meet your competitors.

Queen Elizabeth II revealed her 3 opponents, Prince Charles, SgtPeppersBulldog, and ewe2.

Silly Girl: This sounds like it’s going to be a fun competition.

The contest begins, it is one of those buzzer type games and the first person to get to 5 points wins.

Billy: Question 1, who played In My Life ‘s piano solo and what special trick did they use which made it sound more like a harpsichord?

Ron: George Martin, he recorded the solo at half speed which they did to make it easier for him to play it but it also ended up making the piano part sound like a harpsichord.

Billy: You are correct, 1 point for team USA. Next question, when does the guitar in Got To Get You Into My Life start?

SgtPeppersBulldog: After the 2nd chorus.

Billy: I am sorry but you’re incorrect.

Dark: It starts halfway through the 1st verse, John and George’s guitar parts from the backing track are panned entirely to the left and are barely audible due to the brass instruments, but they’re still there.

Billy: Correct, 2 points for team USA. Next question, what brass instrument is used after the 1st verse on Sgt. Pepper ‘s Lonely Hearts Club Band?

Hole: French Horn.

Billy: Correct, 3 points for team USA. Next question, what is the name of Heather McCartney’s biological father?

ewe2: Melville See Jr. born in 1938.

Billy: Correct, 1 point for team UK. Next question, who plays both guitar solos on While My Guitar Gently Weeps ?

Joe: Eric Clapton, George was having trouble with the solo so he brought his friend Eric in to play the solo.

Billy: Correct, 4 points for team USA. Next question, what is the name of the place that The Beatles played their 2nd to last official concert at?

Prince Charles: Dodger Stadium.

Billy: Correct, 2 points for team UK. Next question, what order do The Beatles use when playing the 3 way guitar duel in The End .

Hole: John, Paul, George.

Billy: I am sorry but that’s incorrect.

ewe2: Paul, George, John, Paul, George, John, George, Paul, John.

Billy: I’m sorry, but that’s also incorrect.

Dark: Paul, George, John, Paul, George, John, Paul, George, John.

Billy: Correct, 5 points for team USA which means that they win.

Queen Elizabeth II: Here’s your $6,000 Donald, $1,000 for each of your contestants and $1,000 for you.

Walter: So guys, what are you going to do with this money.

Joe: I will use mine to help raise my family.

Ron: Now I can finally get a CGA adapter and monitor for my IBM 5150.

Mustard: I’m going to buy a VCR.

Dark: I already have both of those things, I’m going to get one of those record players that plays both sides without you having to flip it over yourself.

Hole: I don’t know.

Everyone was returned to their homes and lived happily ever after.